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Wednesday, September 22, 2004 ( 9/22/2004 05:37:59 PM ) Ironically, I unintentionally timed my first HP fic on Tom Felton's birthday (9/22). I remember my first LOTR fic was on Viggo Mortensen's birthday (10/20) in 2002. Gah, I think the last time I wrote fanfic was early 2003. Damn, I'm so rusty I wrote a dialogue piece with mostly present tense, the complete opposite of what I prefer writing. Or in other words, I like writing 'teh p0rn'. Even if I wanted a smutty fic, I had a difficult time going to sleep with this weird conversation between Snape and Lupin. One of those cases where I had to write down my thoughts or have sleep deprivation until I did so. Twice Shy - (PG13/R) by Dina Lerret "The only good Potter is a *dead* Potter." Not only did he have a sour aftertaste from the Wolfsbane Potion, he also had sour company sitting across from him. What started as a quiet dinner at Grimmauld, while the other Order members were out on duty, ended when Snape decided to stay after delivering the potion. Between the potion, glares from Snape, and rants against Harry, he could feel a headache developing. "Whatever wrongs James did to you, Harry doesn't deserve to be the outlet for your anger." "Are you volunteering, Lupin?" "If it means you'd treat Harry better, then yes." "Non-negotiable. Besides, I despise you too." "Yet, I seem to find our paths are crossing more than necessary." "Dumbledore's idea that I needed time away from Hogwarts but still remain within easy reach for the Order. Blasted kids, it's bad enough I have to teach the little monsters all day, but then I get stuck teaching Occlumency to the worst of the lot. As if intruding on my *very* limited private time wasn't enough, now he's trying to corrupt a Slytherin student." "Dating isn't 'corruption', Severus." "It is when it's *Potter*." Snape irritably reaches for the now empty goblet and murmurs a scourgify spell to clean the residue potion. "I think I've seen Blaise Zabini once at the station platform with Harry. His appearance reminds me of a younger... and better maintained version of you." He couldn't help but smile when Snape raises an eyebrow at him. Snape was never attractive but neither was he. The additional stress of being a werewolf and problems from transformations left him scarred and, more often than not, sickly in appearance. "Zabini is from a publicly neutral pureblood family. What isn't well-known is how much they help connect me to the right individuals. Potter 'taints' them, which can cause a messy situation if the balance is tipped too far in one direction. Ever since he's entered my life, Potter has been nothing but a meddling brat; he has no understanding of respect and privacy." Snape's words prompt a memory of talking to Harry via floo. "Harry told me about the pensieve... Your glare is starting to look cute after awhile." As expected, the scowl directed at him deepens. "Harry mainly questioned James' actions." "Ah yes, Gryffindor pride. Even though he saw the actual events, he still couldn't believe his father was an arrogant bastard." "I only told Harry that James was young, and yes, he was arrogant but he grew out of it. I didn't elaborate on why that day would be particularly difficult for you." "Oh? You think there was a deeper motivation other than a cruel prank?" "You know it was more than a 'prank'. Sirius accidentally found out and then told me about your brief relationship with James." "We had no relationship other than to mutually hurt each other." "Whatever you want to call it, you had sex with James." "Sex is such a tame word for what we did; we fucked... or more likely fucked with each other." "I know Sirius constantly pressured James to break off his meetings with you and then Lily Evans entered the picture. Not only did James embarrass you in front of Sirius but he also did it to attract Lily in his own way." "Mudblood." "Don't call her that. She was one of the few who tried to see past all your off-putting characteristics." "However, she eventually saw from Potter's perspective. There's a phrase, 'out with the old and in with the new'." Seeing the usual scowl morph into one of satisfaction unsettled him. "It's something you should be familiar with, Lupin. Tell me, don't you agree James Potter's death was for the better?" "What are you talking about and how can you ask me that? No! If there was something I could do to prevent his death, I'd do it." "You'd give up fucking Black?" "What?" "I don't need to remind you that Black wasn't sexually attracted to men--then again, Black was so self-absorbed he rarely looked past himself--but his desire for retribution, subsequent imprisonment in Azkaban, and the loss of his 'adoring' minions left only you to comfort him, which I'm certain you did more than platonic embracing. After all, we both know Black wasn't discreet about sharing the 'intimate' details of his friends, especially when properly goaded. From what I've seen, Potter's death did make things more... convenient for you." "I did *not* take advantage of horrible events, and I'm appalled you would suggest such a thing." "Why not? Nothing quite like solitude in Azkaban to make a wizard reevaluate his homophobia." "Sirius wasn't that way." "Then care to explain why Black thought you were the traitor? You weren't the only one with resources to locate the Potters' Secret-Keeper. Back then, I thought Black sent me down to the Shrieking Shack because he cruelly and mistakenly thought you wouldn't harm your 'own kind', a fellow pouf. Now, I'm wondering if he intended to eliminate two queers from his life." "You're being ridiculous. As students, Sirius did show poor judgment..." "...It was more than 'poor judgment'; it was *malicious* intent!" "He didn't fully think out the consequences." "Such as telling his 'beloved' Potter and having his plans spoiled?" "James *saved* you that night." "Potter saved Black's arse and you from expulsion and prosecution. My life was merely an added bonus." "You just won't give up your bitterness." "There should be some constants in the universe." "James and Sirius were good men." "Constants like your need for acceptance. Please enlighten me on how you know they were 'good men'? Is it from personal or *very* personal experience?" Before he's able to tell Snape to go bugger himself, his headache briefly explodes in intensity just as the sounds of shattering occur. Opening his eyes, he notices Snape holding the remnants of a broken cup between slightly bloody fingers. The magical burst takes him by surprise because Wolfsbane tends to briefly dampen his magic after a dosage. "Keep this behaviour up, Lupin, and I will enjoy gagging and binding you in a similar manner to what I did back in the Shrieking Shack. Although, back then, you were bound because you hadn't taken your potion and posed a threat to myself... and the 'children'." "I thought the restraints were part of your 'gift wrapping' me for the Dementors." Tilting his head down to rub a furrowed brow, he only looks up when he hears the creak of wood and sees Snape leaning closer to him. "I intended for Black to have his soul destroyed, but I didn't turn a deaf ear to your explanation. My pleasure was only in seeing you panic, nothing more. If it wasn't for Black and Potter, we could've had a better... understanding." A sallow face with intense eyes is suddenly too close and he jerks his head away from the scrutiny. "Sirius and James are gone, Severus. Could we at least work on being civil to one another?" As Snape sits back down, he wishes he could blame his headache for the odd feeling of disappointment. "I wasn't talking about *James* Potter." "Harry? What has he to do with this?" "You never answered my question." "About?" "Personal experiences. Did you have sex with James Potter?" "I don't see what relevance this has." "Oh, it most certainly is relevant. Once you've fucked a Potter, a part of them stays under your skin like an infection. I've penetrated and seen into young Mr. Potter's mind; I've... seen too much." Snape is observing the coagulating cuts on his fingers and a sense of unease builds between them. "Harry Potter is too much like his father." His unease becomes disbelief and he has to ask... "Are you attracted to Harry?" The response is a scrape of chair legs as Snape stands. Seeking and not getting eye contact, another suspicion roots itself. "Is this *really* why you're against Harry and Zabini? Severus!" Snape's long strides have taken him to the kitchen doorway but his raised voice causes a pause; however, Snape continues facing the dimly lit hallway leading out. "Second again to a Potter, Lupin." The unexpected comment perplexes him long enough for escape to occur, and with a door slam, Snape is gone, leaving him alone with Mrs. Black's shrill yells. Not up to dealing with the old painting, he simply shuts the kitchen door and sets a charm on it to muffle the noise. Faced with the shards still on the table, he carefully picks up the pieces. Some have dark red stains and he gently runs a fingertip across the surface as he reflects on their conversation. /She was one of the few who tried to see past all your off-putting characteristics./ "And Harry has her eyes." /The only good Potter is a dead Potter./ "Second again." His muttered words drown in the solitude surrounding him as he drops the broken cup into the bin. -end- Saturday, September 18, 2004 ( 9/18/2004 11:50:50 PM ) I had a weird dream the other night. I read the recent wank that further elaborated on how insane this Amy person is. Then I dreamed about Sean Astin--though, he wasn't really Sean Astin--as a manipulative guy, who murdered a girl and wrote her name on the handle of the knife he used to kill her. I fell for him, and when I discovered he's a murderer and probably would've killed me, I felt sorry for him. Strange. It's all convoluted, after all, it was a dream... or nightmare. Damn, I wish I could remember more because this could've made a Lifetime movie. {chuckle} Still, I can understand why that wank triggered the dream. I'm flabbergasted at how *insane* those two must've been and how *gullible* that one girl was. Talking to Elves and Hobbits? Magic? Magic, my ass. I keep thinking this must be a joke because it's so *bizarre* but folks are saying it actually happened. Gives new definition to 'truth is stranger than fiction'. Oh, and I am totally loving Furl. It's a very useful site for saving/backing-up pages a person has visited such as fanfics read and more and your stored pages are searchable. Plus, the service is currently free. However, I've noticed it works better with IE than Firefox, but Firefox does have a plug-in that allows links to be opened under IE. Very useful. This Furl service is awesome. I don't care if Bonibaru chewed out my ass for posting OT but this could *really* help fandom folk. For example, finding fics you've read, if you've properly backed-up your reading every time, and if more folk tap into this, you could have a collective resource of fic copies that are searchable. You generally can't search the *entire text* of stories on AFF.net, FF.net, LJ, etc (with *some* exceptions finding their way on search engines like Google) but you can with this service if you save pages there. Thursday, June 24, 2004 ( 6/24/2004 05:12:55 PM ) Okay, next time I complain about my face being swollen:  Wednesday, June 23, 2004 ( 6/23/2004 09:16:49 PM ) Nice. Last night, not only was it over 90^F indoors (I don't need the news to tell me it feels more close to 100^F with the humidity and it'll be like this for the rest of summer) but my jaw was throbbing with pain, which then triggered a killer headache. Today, my jaw is swollen and I can't feel part of my face. Nice. That wasn't all. Evidently, one of my IDE cables got knocked loose and I didn't realize that was the problem. So, I didn't eat all day under the stress my computer is facing an expensive problem... Not that I can eat with my jaw swollen. *Nice*. {sigh} Yeah, right. Addendum: I'm developing a fever. Gah, so not only is my jaw swollen and sore but the soreness is travelling to other parts. Just *great*. The upside is my mom doesn't know about it. She'd be like 'the poison' is spreading to other parts of your body and you need to go see an emergency dentist... yadda ya... your face will get deformed... blah blah blah... you'll get brain damage and die. Very cheerful person, my mom. If I can still be insulting, then I'm not about ready to kick it. Wednesday, May 19, 2004 ( 5/19/2004 08:18:20 PM ) Upcoming HP appearances: 05/23 07:00P 05/24 07:00A 05/24 05:00P 05/25 12:35A 05/25 08:45P 05/28 05:00P 05/28 08:58P 05/31 01:30A 05/31 07:00A 05/31 09:00A 06/01 07:00A 06/01 04:00P 06/01 07:00P 06/01 07:00P 06/02 09:00P 06/03 07:00A 06/03 09:00A 06/03 03:00P 06/03 04:30P 06/06 06:30A FOX Ebert & Roeper 06/07 07:00A |
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